love and pain

well i decided to name this post love and pain....let me explain.......

first i'll start off with pain.....so......birthing hurts so bad and esp since i had one heck of a time and i'm STILL recovering. its frustraiting! i can't ever feel better and i'm always, ALWAYS in pain, even when i'm just sitting here typing this! BUT the pain is so not as bad as the first night. its so getting better, but i just wish it was totally gone. its hard to eat too....don't get me wrong i LOVE food, but i'm on like 5 drugs and i think one of them is making me feel sick sometimes when i eat, but i just go and take a nap and it goes away...maybe its not the drugs and its just lack of sleep. speaking of sleep, i don't really get any at the moment becaue i have to feed the little one all the time, and thats making me bleed and fall apart....... but thats getting better, i won't go into detail, but oh my heck what i'm doing now is way better!

now after i have ranted and raved about the pain part, i'll talk about the love.......i'm afraid i've fallen inlove with another person.....my daughter! its so amazing to be a mom....very hard at times, but i love her so much. i love her even when i have to change her way stinky and way poopy diapers....she even shot poop all over me and i still love her! LOL when she looks at me with her big bright eyes, i just melt. shes so cute and she makes the cutest faces. right now she really doesn't look like me.....kinda, but theres one thing that she took after me.....so i was finishing burping her and she let out the biggest burp i have ever heard...and anyone that knows me knows that i can burp and burp loud! but she outdid me! i'm so proud! LOL j/k...... her cry is even cute (the start of the cry, deff not the hard core cry). shes my little angel. i still can't believe that i'm her mom and shes sealed to me and is going to be with spencer and i forever.

another love of mine is spencer. he has been the biggest support! i can tell he loves adyson so much and hes such a good father to her. when we were in the hospital he was such an amazing husband too. even when i was killing his hand through the contractions! oh man, and my hormones are going crazy and hes been there every step of the way. i think i've cried out of frustration about a million times and spencer has always comforted me and told me that i can do it and i'm strong. its a big help, even though it makes me cry even harder. i don't think i've ever cried this much in my entire life! i sometimes want to give up, but spencer always reminds me that hes here and theres another person here helping me too, and He would never give me something i can't handle. this whole experience has been a roller coaster so far, and i've fallen all over again for spencer. i love him even more then i did when i was the little 14 year old crushing on him and thinking that i'm going to marry him someday! and i love him even more then when we first started dating! i can't even say how much i love him and our little girl! life is amazing!

well thats about all for now! my heart is so full and i have so much to be thankful for!